When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
John 21:15 NIV
I was reading this morning in John 21 - listening actually, with my eyes closed. Trying to imagine the story as I was hearing it. It's a story you're probably familiar with. You may know it better than me.
The disciples are fishing and not catching much, when a stranger walks up and tells them to cast their nets to the opposite side. When they do, they catch more fish than they can handle. From this, John recognizes that the stranger is Jesus. Funny thing... Jesus had already died. But this is the third time that He had appeared to His disciples after the Romans had killed Him.
As soon as John calls out that it's Jesus, Peter jumps in the water and swims to shore to be with his Jesus. It's a beautiful picture of the love and devotion he has for Jesus. Also a little bit of Peter's slightly chaotic nature :)
As Peter gets to the shore and the other disciples close behind, Jesus makes breakfast for them around a fire. And He goes about restoring Peter. Peter had betrayed Jesus three times. And so Jesus asks Peter three questions - lovingly giving Peter the opportunity to be restored.
Here's what stuck out to me, this morning. The first thing that we see Jesus say to Peter is... "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
By "these" we assume that Jesus was referring to the fish. To us, maybe that sounds like an easy yes for Peter, when most of our jobs don't have anything to do with fish. In much of the West, we can walk into a grocery store filled with countless food options that have nothing to do with fish.
But for Peter, fish meant a lot of things. It was his job before and apparently after (for now) being a disciple of Jesus. Not unlike today, his job meant so much more than money. It was part of his identity. How he spent so much of his time. A skill set that he had honed for years. Probably part of his family history - something he had done with his loved ones. It was something that he was good at and recognized for. Something that had provided for his needs and the needs of those that he loved.
And Jesus points to the thing that meant so much more than the thing, and He says "Do you love me more than these?"
Jesus was lovingly checking Peter's priorities, and inviting him to wrestle. What we might call today a gut check. It was challenging, but not in a way that condemns and sends away. In a way that invited Peter closer.
As I listened to those words - my eyes closed, imagining the scene - the thought came to my head, what if it were me? What if I were in Peter's shoes, and it were today?
It's actually not that hard to translate to my context, because last night (as I write this) was Halloween. We put our fire pit in the driveway to greet neighbors as they came by.
What if instead of Peter and Jesus by a charcoal fire next to the lake, it were me and Jesus across the fire pit in the driveway? What would Jesus hold up or point to and say "Do you love me more than these?" Have other things crept too high on my priority list, or taken too much of my attention and affection?
My first thought was work. It's been crazy, lately. I had to stay up late to meet a midnight deadline last night after everyone else was in bed. It's taken way too much of my time, focus, and emotional energy the last few weeks, and I'm feeling it. It's taken my bandwidth away from other things that matter way more.
I thought of less important things that may take my focus - social media, keeping up with sports (although it's been an awesome time with Major League Baseball playoffs, NFL and College Football happening at the same), the upcoming 2024 Election, multiple hurricanes, and all the other things to know, feel, pray, and consider what to do about.
And then I thought about the Church. The things that used to consume our time, energy, focus, when I was in full-time ministry. Things we found cool or exciting. The metrics we pointed to, to say we were successful or not. Other measures of success that we thought were a big deal. The times when we knew what Jesus said success was, that we weren't doing it well, and yet we prioritized other things over fixing that.
"Do you love me more than these?"
It's an easy question to skip over. But if you slow down and really settle into the question... think about the things that we prioritize over Jesus and the things He asked us to do... it's not as easy to answer.
Maybe Jesus, the Rabbi, was asking the question to invite Peter to have to wrestle. Maybe that's part of why He asked Peter 3 times... to show that it wasn't a question that was intended to be answered quickly. Rather, maybe it's a question to answer slowly, after we've allowed it to marinate and really process through the different layers and compartments of our lives.
"Do you love me more than ______?"
How would you fill in the blank? What are the things that compete with Jesus for your love, affection, admiration, focus, resources, time, or perception of success? What are the other things that make you feel successful or important?
Would you be willing to walk away from them if Jesus asked you, "Do you love me more than these?"
I know... the Sunday School answer is a quick yes. Of course! But if you let it marinate... if Jesus asked you 3 times...
Are there things taking up space in your heart where only Jesus should be?
Are there things taking up the capacity of your church staff that have more to do with building a brand than the Great Commission?
Are there measures of success we're chasing that don't have anything to do with the nature of God or the things He asked us to do?
For those of us who are or have been in vocational ministry, there are so many things that are a part of what we do for Jesus that can slowly start to take the place of Jesus in our heart. We can fall in love with a method or a model. We can get comfortable or complacent. We can start to puff up our chests or feel like we're a big deal, based on a title we hold, a ministry we're a part of, or metrics we point to. In doing so, we can drift off of the solid rock, firm foundation, and start building on sand without even realizing it.
On the other side... when you've been hurt by the church. Maybe you've left the church completely. There are so many other things that can compete for your mind and heart. How you're going to feed your family. What trajectory you're on now. Maybe unresolved confusion, bitterness, grief, or any number of complex emotions, based on what you've been through. It can be so easy for your heart and mind to become cluttered with all of the things competing for your mental, emotional, and spiritual resources.
We all drift. And no one is perfect. This is not a guilt trip. It's intended to be a loving invitation to slow down, take a moment, and find your center...
How am I doing right now?
Where is my focus? What am I pursuing? What am I trusting in, for what I need?
Where have I drifted?
Where have I lost focus or balance?
Do my actions show that I love Jesus more than ____?
If you're noticing that you're off, I can relate. You're not alone.
Let's get re-cetered, re-align ourselves to what matters most in Jesus' eyes. Take some time. Give Jesus some space. Like Peter, let Him gently point things out in love, to restore you to where He wants you - an unhindered, fully restored relationship with Him.
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